Getting Back in the Saddle

What could be a better way to celebrate than getting together with my Quilting Buddies and visiting the our local Quilt Shop.

The Quilter's Hive (http://www.quiltershive.com/) just moved to a bigger and brighter location and we had a great time checking out all of the new stuff. We were there for hours.

Did we buy anything? Is the Pope Catholic?????

We left the shop loaded with ideas, patterns and fabric. It felt so good to fondle fabric again.



On Halloween, "The Garden Buds" got together for our annual Halloween Party Luncheon in the cafeteria. It's hard to tell which Witch was which (if you think that's hard to say - it was really hard to type!!)


I'm in the final countdown to the end of chemo (3 days, 11 hours and 45 minutes). Did you think I was kidding about counting it down? I am so ready for this to be over and behind me.


I have been so extremely tired this time. I have gone from an insomniac on steroids to someone who just cannot stay awake. I'm OK as long as I keep moving, but as soon as I sit for any length of time, I'm sound asleep.

COMPLETE REMISSION!!

The words are finally starting to sink in. I'm almost afraid to say them out loud, but I wanted to share the good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I feel like dancing and crying (tears of joy) all at the same time. The PET scan came back clean. My doctor declared me in Complete Remission - No Evidence of Disease. The 5th cycle of chemo is a memory and only one more to go! The timing could not be better - this will be the most thankful Thanksgiving that I will ever have -- and my wonderful son is cooking dinner. I have a bottle of red wine chilling and I think tonight is the night to crack that sucker open and chill it and kill it!!

I also want to thank each and everyone of you that read my Blog, for your prayers, good wishes, support, and a good swift kick in the behind from time-to-time (you know who you are, LOL), and I appreciate that, too. I couldn't have done it without all of you, the support of my family, my circle of friends, and my good buddy, Bailey.

I just love Queen and I've been playing "We Are The Champions" over and over.....

I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and
fortune
and everything that goes with it
I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses -No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I aint gonna lose...

We are the champions my friends
And we'll keep on fighting - till the end
We are the champions -We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions of the world

Indian Summer

I thought that I would update my Blog today, when I'm not in that snarky "Predni-Zone".


The weather here has been just gorgeous - almost summer-like with temperatures in the high 70's during the day and cooler Autumn-like weather in the evenings. I felt like I was robbed of summer, but I'm just loving this weather. As a matter of fact, I have been enjoying sitting in the yard with a good book on the weekends and my bottle of Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen and working on my tan. I'm fortunate that I don't burn - and the chemo drugs make you very sun-sensitive, so hello good tan. I, also, love it when you can throw open the windows and air out the house.



Bailey and I went to the Pulaski Day parade on Sunday, 10/14, since the parade route starts about 4-blocks from our house. Bailey really seemed to enjoy the String Bands.







I did survive Hell-Week last week. Both the CAT and PET scans were relatively uneventful. Chugging barium is not my idea of a nutritious breakfast, although, I used to be pretty good at chugging when I was younger. This was not a skill that I ever thought that I would be calling on again! I won't know the results of the tests until Cocktail Time at the Chemo Bar on Wednesday.





I did a little bit of piecing on my "Some Angels wall-hanging. I think I muffed up the bottom wording -- so I'll be ripping that out and redoing it -- or maybe not. Perfectionism is so overrated. I'm anxious to start on the embroidery portion.

Four Down - Two to Go

WOW - As I was just checking my BLOG, I see that the last time I posted was right after Cycle 3. I received this beautiful bouquet of flowers from my friend, Connie and her husband, at my half-way point. Connie has gotten me over some rough hurdles through this whole ordeal, especially when I was being a brat (I know you find that hard to believe.)

Now Cycle 4 is a memory and I only have 2 more times to belly-up to the Chemo bar where all of the cocktails are infused. Once again, I was the first one there and the last to leave. I felt like the greeter at Wal-Mart. I lost count of how many people I said hello and good-bye to.

My doctor actually displayed a sense of humor this time when he delivered the Good News/Bad News - The good news was my blood counts had all jumped back up -- the bad news was that I had to stay for treatment (like he was really going to cut me loose!!) I know this isn't really ha-ha kind of funny, but it was an attempt at humor. I smiled to be nice.

I do have to go for a CAT scan and then the dreaded PET scan on October 17 and I was able to convince the doctor that there was no reason why my head had to go under the machine. I was real persuasive. Once he agreed, I asked if he would write that on the order, and then I would follow through every step of the way (he rolled his eyes as he said he had no doubt that I would follow through). The hospital called today to confirm my appointment and the scheduler wasn't sure if they could do that - so she went to check with the technicians. She came back to the phone laughing and said that the technicians remembered me from last time and YES, they WOULD do it. She also said that she wrote CLAUSTROPHOBIC across the top of the order, highlighted it in yellow and then drew stars around it - so there would be no mistake. I think I like this person. I may have to take her a box of candy.



This was a gift from my friend, Jenny, at The Stitchery. She must want me to get my quilting mojo back as bad as I do. I can't wait to make something with these cute patches and ultra-cute buttons. Any suggestions?


The weather here has been gorgeous. Summer-like during the days and a nice autumn nip in the air in the evenings. I'm still working on my tan. Thanks to chemo, sun-sensitive drugs, and my bottle of Hawaiian Tropic dark tanning lotion, I have the best tan that I've ever had. Hopefully, next summer, I'll only need the Hawaiian Tropic.

WHAT'S ON YOUR SEWING TABLE?

If you are one of my quilt buddies and have made it this far down in the posting, I do have something on my cutting table. The "Some Angels" wall hanging that I traced 3 weeks ago now has the first border sewn on. I have finally turned on my sewing machine and sewn a few seams. I know this doesn't sound like much but I have another little chemo curve ball, peripheral neuropathy, caused by the Vincristine and all of my fingertips are numb down to the first knuckle. This really sucks. I did treat myself to another manicure, so I can at least type with my nails rather than my fingers. Oh, I just can wait for this to be OVER!


I need to get my sewing machine warmed up to work on my granddaughter's Halloween costume. We went to Joann Fabrics last week and picked the pattern and fabric for her costume. She is going to make such a cute gypsy. Then, we went out for dinner. Her father (Sonny Boy) told us that we had a 10 PM curfew. I told sweet granddaughter that I never made a curfew in my life. She kept looking at her watch through dinner, wondering if we would make the curfew. Just to torture her, I said that if we were cutting it too close, that I would ride around the block a few times just so we would be late. She was horrified. Like, Sonny Boy could punish me (he-he). She was determined to make curfew. Her father laughed the next day when I told him the story. You gotta love a kid that respects her father that much!



Just in case you were wondering, Mr. Bailey is doing just fine. He's a little on the tired side here - too tired to even play with his tennis ball. He was probably waiting for me to fetch it.







Here he is waiting for dinner. He likes to watch the carousel in the microwave as it goes around.

Mid-September Already???

I can't believe that it's already the middle of September and over two weeks since my last posting. I must have really been into that Vacation spirit.

Before I get to how much fun I had on vacation, I want to give you an update. I just finished Cycle 3 of Chemo (on 9/12/07) and the doctor has declared me in a "Partial Remission". I'm on Cloud 9!! Please keep those prayers and/or good wishes coming for a "Durable Remission" with Cycle 6, followed by the dreaded CT and PET Scans.

I had a wonderful time vacationing - no set plans, no alarm clock, I enjoyed my garden, worked on my current embroidery project, treated myself to a French Manicure and soaked up lots of sunshine (hey, it's Vitamin C, right?) The weather was picture perfect everyday.

I think Bailey was glad to see me go back to work, since I interfered with his nap schedule. He did get a day at the spa -- a grooming appointment -- and he looks so cute with his new haircut, and just a little bit tired, too.

The "Garden Buds" got together for a birthday celebration at a local tea house and we had a wonderful time at lunch. I was the lucky one, I didn't have to go back to work afterward.

Black-eyed Susan vine

My garden is thriving with the cooler temperatures and a little bit of rain.

The Hyacinth Beans are taking over -- there is actually a chain link fence behind them.

I'm hoping that my "Quilting Mojo" comes back with these cooler temperatures, too. I have actually washed and pressed some FQ's in the hopes of embarking on a new project -- "Some Angels" by Cinderberry Stitches. I have the design all traced and I'm ready to start piecing the patchwork before I begin stitching. I ordered this pattern from my friend, Jenny at The Stitchery in New Zealand. Jenny offers great service with a personal touch. If you get a chance, check out her shop http://www.thestitchery.co.nz/?x=21&y=14.

Saturday In The Park

The next part of this song should say, "I think, it was the Fourth of July". In actuality, it's Labor Day. Where has the Summer of 2007 gone? In my eyes, the summer is officially over on Labor Day or when children go back to school, which is kind of sad. Well, Labor Day Weekend is here and the children started back to school this past Monday.



I don't know if I'll look back and fondly remember the Summer of 2007. Or will I? I have made many life-style changes this summer. I'm perfecting the art of kicking back and relaxing - it's really highly underrated. As I sit on the front porch with my feet propped up, I watch other people acting like moths beating themselves against a flame and I remember that I used to be one of them. If I don't get something done today, it's still going to be there tomorrow or the next day. Is this the "new normal" that they talk about?


My Dear Granddaughter started Middle School this week. When did she grow up to be such a beautiful young lady? Doesn't she look like she should be a model for "Back to School" shopping? It seems like just yesterday that she was just a child. When I look at this picture, I am just filled with awe.



I had a rather unusual visitor in the yard. I was sitting in a lawn chair with my feet propped up on the brick wall (yes, relaxing again), when I thought a twig had blown through my legs. Imagine my surprise, when I bent down to pick it up and saw this guy, just mugging for the camera.


Physically, I showed up for work last week - mentally is still debatable. Sleep still does not come naturally - I have to will myself to sleep. This has my doctor puzzled, so I'm going to let him worry about it. I have a week of vacation scheduled for this coming week and I'm feeling pretty good, too. Time off for good behavior??? I don't have any plans, per se. No alarm clock, no watch, and a nap in the afternoon with Bailey -- he knows all of the coolest spots in the house. Then, it's back to work for two days and my 3rd round of chemo -- the Half-Way point!! Woo-Hoo!

Ooh Child Things Are Gonna Get Easier

Yesterday's Chemo treatment was a lot easier than the first, although not any shorter. It was a little hairy at the beginning when the vein in my hand blew and it is a beautiful shade of turquoise, but that was the only set back. Turquoise is my favorite color. Once again, Sonny Boy stayed with me, which made the time pass rather quickly and he even went on a chocolate-run to the vending machine. God, I love that kid!!

Yes, I really did wear my "Doesn't Play Well With Other's" T-shirt and it got a lot of chuckles from my medical team. They felt duly warned.

Since the prednisone regiment has started again, I was up at the crack of dawn this morning. Mr. Bailey got up with me, but wasn't too happy to leave his nice warm spot on the bed, however, he was so afraid that he would miss something - so he came downstairs with me and proceeded to pace around the kitchen table.


At 5AM, there really isn't much to do, so I decided to paint my fingernails. When I went in search of the nail polish, Mr. Bailey decided that he needed my cup of coffee more than I did, if we were going to get up at these ungodly hours. Doesn't he look bright-eyed and bushy tailed now?

Having a Great Week

Sorry that I haven't been posting, but I have really been having a whirlwind of a week and feeling great, too.


Well, last week started off kind of traumatic. Needless to say, bandannas and baseball caps are now a few new accessories that I've added to my wardrobe. I don't recognize the person that I see in the mirror, so the new accessories really help.

Part of the MAGIC is that I get to decide what illusion of me that I want people to see. I'll have plenty of time to perfect my craft. I'm also glad that I'm kind of artsy - so I can perform some more magic with make-up. Now, where is that handsome prince? Or, doesn't he get up as early as I do? I still want the fairy tale!!!

Enough said. I'll just move on to the fun stuff.

My Mom, Granddaughter and I had a "Girls Day Out" last Wednesday. We went to lunch at the Macaroni Grill and made a toast to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". I don't think we ever stopped laughing the rest of the day. We had a great waiter that insisted on singing to us from our salad order to the progress of our meal and every time he went passed the table. He even sang to us as we were leaving.


Then, we went shopping at the Christmas Tree Shop, which just opened here a few weeks ago. We had a cartful of stuff that we didn't know we needed. This is a great place to separate you from your money. Then, it was like Christmas when we got home and started unwrapping all of our treasures.




On Saturday, I spent the day with my very best and dearest Friend, Judy. We went shopping, had a nice leisurely lunch, more shopping, and then we sat in Starbucks having coffee and talking about everything under the sun. The greatest part of having a best friend is the freedom to let Me be Me. No pressure to say what people want to hear. And, boy did we talk.....




Judy gave me this beautiful basket which is perfect for holding my embroidery project. It makes me smile because Judy knows what a "Basket Case" I have been these past few months - so this basket means so much. Thank you, Judy.




On Sunday, Sonny Boy, came over for dinner. It was just the two of us and it's so nice to have him all to myself at times. He also brought me the first two cucumbers from his garden. I had started the plants from seeds and insisted that he plant them and now we are reaping the rewards.


Today was supposed to be Chemo Day (can you believe it's been 3 weeks already?), but they didn't have a nurse to do the infusion, so I have a day reprieve. Any good thoughts coming my way will be greatly appreciated.



Last, but certainly not least, I want to thank my friend and fellow-blogger, Mrs. Staggs http://ahappymiscellany.typepad.com/ for all of her kindness and good wishes that she has directed my way. I'm going to be dancing in those new shoes really soon, Lena - just like Cinderella.

Cha-Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

"The only thing constant in life is change."

—Francois de la Rouchefoucauld, French classical author

I feel like in the past few weeks that I have had to make numerous changes in my life - some good and some I would not have made had I not been backed into a corner. I've had to cut out caffeine and I actually eat breakfast now. I can't have any salad (and all of that produce just begging to be eaten). Thankfully, we've been getting quite a bit of rain, so my garden still looks pretty good since I've been neglecting it. Everything I try to do takes so much longer than it used to. I've had to change how I brush my teeth and how often , however, my dentist should be happy about that. The baking soda rinse is doing wonders for my mouth, I might add. I can't have any spicy or salty foods (bummer), but I'll save that up for when all of this is all over. Thanks, Ann (Ancient One) for the tip on slathering Miracle Whip on everything -- not the Miracle I was looking for, tho! I almost feel like I have been dropped into someone else's life, but everything looks so familiar.

Sleep still eludes me - I can only sleep for two hours at a time. I'm 11 days into this "commitment" and I thought I would "crash and burn" by now. Poor, Mr. Bailey, he has given up on me and just stays in bed while I do my middle of the night rendezvous'. I came home from work the other night and Mr. Bailey was not sitting in the window waiting for me. I couldn't find him. I searched the downstairs, even looked in the backyard (I've been a tad forgetful but I couldn't imagine forgetting him), back through the house, called upstairs. No Bailey. Finally, I walked into my bedroom and there he was still sound asleep on my bed. I scared him - he jumped straight up in the air; then started jumping around like he was so glad to see me. Some watchdog he is!!!!

I did manage to stay all day at work this week and this was a nice diversion. I can't seem to multi-task like I used to - I have to concentrate on one thing at a time, otherwise, I'll forget. I used to be a finger-popping, can't wait an extra second kind of gal. I think "they" killed off some of my brain cells, along with the cancer cells; or else I have a small pinhole size leak in my head. I seem to have a thought on each side of my brain, but when it tries to come together...pssssst, it leaks through the hole. Then, every once in a while, I have an brainstorm - and damn, I'm astounded.

I am still being showered with gifts - and I kind of like it, she says guiltily. I'm amassing quite a collection of angels, but these Angels with Attitude are my personal favorites. I also received a T-shirt from another friend that knows me soooo well that says "Doesn't Play Well With Others" and she wants me to wear it to my next chemo appointment - so everyone will be duly warned. LOL!

Being an adult, you learn to buffer your thoughts. You are thinking one thing and saying what the person wants to hear is usually what comes out of your mouth. I think I lost that buffer (hopefully, this is only temporary), because whatever I'm thinking comes right out my mouth before I can stop it. WOW, you should see some of the reactions that I get. (he-he) Ooops, must be the chemo!!

I'm going to try to have some sewing kits ready for when I can't sleep. Spending time in my sewing room has been non-existent. I think maybe I don't want any part of sewing/quilting related to chemo. That's mine and cancer is not going to take that, too.

What Goes Up...Must Come Down

After being the Energizer Bunny on Steroids for the past 5 days, with a nice clean house, too, I might add, I can't seem to get out of my own way now. Another of God's funny little ha-ha's. And, believe me, he has thrown a few of these my way. Let's start with food. I'm supposed to be eating 4-6 small meals a day. By the time I finish eating and wash out the dish...ooops, it's time to eat again. Then, we'll throw you a taste curve ball. I haven't decided what that burning taste is going on in my mouth, but nothing tastes like it should. My meal time entertainment has consisted of trying to guess what I'm eating. I couldn't tell the difference between chicken, broccoli, potato chips nor pizza, it all has the same burning sensation. The only thing that tastes like it should it a nice cuppa tea with milk.

Science was never my strong-suit, and, even, Newton needed the apple to hit him in the head to discover the laws of gravity, but the Queen of Grand Delusion knows that what goes up...will come down....when you least expect it. Bailey and I have played throw the tennis ball long enough to know this is a fact. I finally went back to work yesterday. I really thought that I would jump right back in and just be my normal self (hence that royal title). Was the walk always that far from the parking lot to the building? Did the hallways get longer while I was gone? Did they add a few more steps on the staircase? I found myself saying, "Just put one foot in front of the other" over and over. I've felt better with a hang-over.

It was nice to see everyone again. And, I must have trained them right, because everyone told me how good I looked. You know, just that right pause when saying it, too. If you say it too fast, it sounds forced. If there is too much of a delay, you know they just felt the need to say something. Did they think I was on vacation?????

I am now dog-assed tired (so this is what it feels like, eh, Bailey?). You know, when you want to sleep for days and sleep just won't come. You try to will yourself to sleep and you are even more wide awake. The more you crave sleep, the whinier you get. Yep, that was me. Hard to believe, huh?

Hey, Debbie Macomber, if you are reading my Blog, I have enjoyed reading your books.

I did have a little victory party this morning when I actually slept through the night. Six hours of uninterrupted sleep. I was so happy that I called my Mom. We squealed with delight. Did she feel like this when I was a baby? I'm sure I was the perfect child, right, Mom?

I know this doesn't compare with taking the last few stitches to finishing a quilt nor sewing on the binding, but I'm grabbing for any small victory in the "Kim Column". So, for now, I will have to live vicariously through other's blogs and I will do a victory dance at your accomplishments. So, bring it on. I need a new pair of dancing shoes!

It Must Be the Meds

I've been on a prednisone High for 4 days now and functioning on 4 hours of sleep. I thought I was supposed to be tired??? My house has never looked so clean. I actually ate breakfast in the yard at 6AM with the birds while Mr. Bailey was still sleeping. You don't think 6AM is that early? Well, I had already read the paper, cleaned the kitchen and did a little dead-heading in the garden before breakfast. That's early for me and on a Saturday.

I received a lovely basket of goodies from my circle of friends at work and I've just had so much fun opening all the gifts. It's so nice to have such wonderful friends that know me so well -- there were quilt kits, fat-quarters, quilting magazines, gardening magazines, a tote bag to carry my knitting, angels, garden thingies , seeds, sudoku puzzle book, an electronic sudoku game and all kinds of things to pass the time while doing chemo along with another tote bag to carry my stuff in. (Yes, Meggie, I'm "doing " Chemo!!! LOL!) And, how could I forget ..... lots of chocolate. Chocolate just feeds the soul and makes everything better! If any of you are reading this, thanks Garden Buds!

I'll be taking my teddy bear with me next time, since I was the youngest person in one of the chemo chairs.

My friend that gave me the quilt kits is challenging me to see who can finish their kit first. Won't she be surprised if I have mine finished before going back to work on Monday????? If I keep up this pace, I may just meet that challenge. Or, do I sound like an over-achiever???

We are in the midst of a heat wave here, the 4th straight day in the 90's, so my time outside has been limited to early morning or early evening. I'm afraid that if I melt, I would be a puddle of chemicals.

Thanks again for all of your good wishes and prayers, they must be helping, because I'm feeling good. My granddaughter called me the other night and we had quite the chat (girl talk) and she had me laughing and giggling. It was better medicine than anything in those pill bottles.

I'm a Chemo Clubber

Today, August 1st, was the day I was dreading. Belonging to the Chemo Club was not a club that I wanted to join. But, now that it is a memory, it doesn't seem so quite so bad.

The hardest part of all of this was trying to navigate the pole on my trip to the restroom. The wheels did not want to move in sync, so I had to pull, push, drag it. I told my son that I always wanted to try pole dancing, but he closed his eyes and told me "Too Much Information, Mom".

One "Cootie Killing" treatment down [Thanks, ChickenLady (Cindy), this phrase makes me laugh] and 5 more to go. I only had a slight reaction to the meds, so they stopped for about 20 minutes and then resumed. I was done in 4.5 hours - rather than the 6-8 hours that they planned. Do you think I was an over-achiever? I guess I must have had a little more chutzpah than I thought. My son stayed with me and words cannot express how grateful that I am. I knew I had to stay strong because he doesn't think his Mom has a weak bone in her body (what did I ingrain in his head?) I don't think my right leg knew that, because I could have tapped out any song that you wanted to hear.

Mrs. Staggs had asked me what she thought Dr. FAH's nickname for me was. I've decided that it was "Evil Spawn". This also makes me laugh uncontrollably. Hey, the Evil Spawn couldn't possible be a coward, right?

When it was time to leave, boy, did I walk out of there feeling like a "Space Cadet". Between the prednisone High and the anti-nausea/benadryl LOW, I felt like I was stuck somewhere in the middle, just watching the world revolve from somewhere in outer space.

I had printed out all of my good thoughts, wishes, prayers and hugs and it was like you were all there with me - my chemo buddies.

Since I'm off for the next few days, I plan to spend some quality quilting time in my sewing room.

And, in case you were wondering, Dr. Bailey has not left my side. At least he has a good bedside manner and lots of dog-breath kisses.

Just Rambling

I would like to thank everyone for all of their good wishes and comments that you have left on my blog. I am so touched that you would take a few minutes out of your busy lives to do this. My last few posts have not had any photos -- which make them kinda boring. Photos are what always draw me in to reading other's blogs - so don't tell me that it doesn't matter.

I'm doing OK. Chemo starts in a few days and I'm still uncertain about how I feel about this. After all these friggin' tests and doctors telling me how sick I am supposed to be - I'm trying hard not to give in to their "mind games". I still want to believe in Magic, Fairy Tale endings and MIRACLES! I actually had one doctor (whom I refer to as Dr. FAH - if you stop and think about it long enough, you will be able to figure out what F.A.H. stands for and if this offends anyone, I'm sorry; otherwise, you'll laugh your head off) ask me why I picked a disease that doctors like to treat. Needless to say, Dr. FAH and I butted heads right from the git-go. Thankfully, he was only a second opinion. I'm certain that his opinion of me was pretty similar to how I felt about him (he-he). My son went with me to this appointment and he could feel the tension in the room when he walked in. He knew his mother was in "smart ass" mode.

I've been having a lot of "Panic Attacks" at 4 in the morning, which is kind of funny, since I love the new Gwen Stefani song by the same title. (Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring & I want to make it worth the fight.) See, I warned you that I'm rambling.

Last night, we had a thunderstorm and I actually sat on the front porch and watched the storm roll in -- I don't think that I ever took the time to do that before. It was awesome!

My Moon Flower is finally blooming. I started a whole package of seeds and only two seedlings emerged. I took this photo at dusk, but by later in the evening it was wide open. It was beautiful even though white flowers are not really a favorite of mine.

My Black-eyed Susan vine is starting to bloom, too! I had only planted these in this pot a few weeks ago and they looked so small. It looked like a pot with a trellis in it and now you can't even see the trellis.

Quilting has kind of taken a summer vacation. I did manage to sew the final border on this quilt that I started about 4 years ago. I don't know what I was waiting for. This was going to be a housewarming gift for my son when he moved into his house (4 years ago), but I like the quilt top so much, that I may just keep it for myself.

As you can see, I couldn't get a photo of it without my quilt model, Bailey. I think he likes it too. Now, will I get it basted and quilted any time soon? Who knows.....

My One Year Blog-iversary!!

I can't believe that I've been blogging for a whole year. I've been keeping a journal for a few years with my most private thoughts about things. I found that it helps to write about things, which "puts it out there". You can rant and rave, then, put down the pen and move on. But, "putting it out there" on the "Web" and moving on was kind of frightening. What I didn't realize was that someone would actually read anything that I wrote, share their own feeling with a comment and that I would become a part of this Blogging Community.

All Aboard - The Train is Moving

Well, I have finally left the Land of Denial, passed through Anger and Bargaining, but Acceptance is just around the bend and Hope seems a long way off in the distance before I finally arrive.

What the heck am I talking about? Have I gone mad? Let's back up a moment and I tell you my story.

A few months ago, I went to the doctor with an itchy knot on my ear. I assumed it was either a cyst, or a reaction to my gold earrings . I'm not much on going to the doctor, so when my doctor saw me sitting in his office without a red "Rudolph" nose and itchy watery eyes, he was confused as to why I was there. I left with a prescription for antibiotics and steroids and had to come back in a month. After a month, my ear wasn't itchy, but the knot was still there. He gave me another series of antibiotics and I went on my merry way. Another month went by and the knot was not getting any smaller, so he sent me to a Plastic Surgeon to have it removed.

I was a little embarrassed about going to a plastic surgeon (visions of Nip/Tuck dancing in my head), but my doctor assured me that it was for minimal scarring since it was so close to my face. I don't know that the surgeon really even looked at my ear, but he said I would need surgery.

The out-patient surgery went fine and I was up and dressed and ready to walk out of the surgi-center in record time. Whenever they remove something from you, they need to biopsy it. All that I cared about was that it didn't hurt. Remember how I said that I wasn't much on going to the doctor? Well, I like hospitals even less.

The day after surgery, the surgeon's office calls me to say that I need to have another surgery to remove my partoid gland and to plan to spend the night in the hospital. Huh? I was still pretty drug induced from the day before.

A week later, I went back to the surgeon to have my stitches removed and to discuss this other surgery. Imagine my shock to find out that the doctor was on vacation and that he telephoned me to tell me that the surgery was being cancelled because I have cancer. CANCER!?! I need to find a cancer doctor. Huh, what? Where? In the yellow pages?? You could have scraped me up off the floor. I experienced the first four steps of grief in those few minutes ...shock, emotional release, panic and hostility. I wanted to bitch-slap someone right through the telephone.

In this past month, I have seen more doctors, had more tests, and more vials of blood drawn than I have ever had in my entire life. Panic attacks seem to be a way of life. I've even perfected the "Deer caught in the headlights" look. Most of these tests were a real challenge of my claustrophobia. I think I languished in the land of denial for so long, because I feel fine and still do. Sure, I'm tired - but I'm up early, I work all day, come home and do the daily chores, and at this point in my life, I can take a nap if I so desire. I've weighed the same for the past 30 years - so no dramatic weight loss. Yes, I break out in a sweat - but, at 52, I called them "Hot Flashes" and all of my friends were having them too. I've asked myself over and over again "How Can This Be?" "Is this a cruel joke?" "Will I wake up from this nightmare?

My diagnosis is Non-Hodgkin's Follicular Lymphoma. My treatment is CHOP-R chemotherapy, which starts on August 1st. I feel like my world has crumbled. I'm someone that took an Advil or a Claritin on rare occasions. Now, I'm going to be pumped full of chemicals and have other chemicals to stave of the side-effects of the first chemicals. I'm terrified. I feel like I'm on a long, dark, lonely road all by myself.

I'm trying take a positive outlook, but it isn't easy - so I'm taking baby steps. I'm happy in the morning that I woke up. I've spent a lot of time sitting and enjoying my garden this summer rather than just working in it. I don't end a conversation with family or friends without telling them that I love them. I'm thankful that I have enough fabric to keep me busy for quite a while to take my mind off of this disease. I've prayed harder than I've ever prayed. And, I'm trying to keep my sense of humor, although my hematologist doesn't think I'm taking this disease seriously. I'm also thankful that I have medical insurance. My little buddy, Bailey, is turning into quite the lap dog.

If you've made it this far through this morbid posting, I do have something quilty to talk about.
I now have 7 of the 11 blocks embroidered on the "A Tisket - A Tasket" quilt and as soon as they are pressed and cut down, I'll sew the sashing strips on them. I'll post a photo of them once I have them pressed.

Happy Fourth of July

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all of your comments that you left on my "Land of Denial" posting. Each and everyone of them has really touched me and I am so glad that I belong to this "Blogging" community. Even though we do not know each other personally, we share a common bond with our love of quilting. I know that it is often said that Quilter's are the Greatest - I cannot agree more.

I am having good days and bad days and I am learning to cherish those good days. Absorbing myself in one of my projects has helped those bad days pass by rather quickly, too.

Well, I decided to invite my Mom over for dinner today, so I must go give the house a lick and a promise before she gets here.

Happy 4th of July!

The Land of Denial

Sorry that I have not been posting, but I had some rather devastating news that literally rocked my world. I haven't quite come to grips with the news and I have been on a trip to the land of "Denial" and that isn't a river in Egypt.

I'm not going to discuss what's going on because that would make it real -- and I'm just "not there yet".

However, on a quilt-y front, I decided to take on a new project. It combines my love of both quilting and embroidery. This pattern is "A Tisket - A Tasket" by Cotton Pickin Designs. I have 4 of the 11 blocks embroidered. It's a great project for me right now - since it's portable. A few of the blocks even have tear stains on them - but that's OK, since I will remember what I was going through while working on this quilt.

Thanks for understanding.

My 100th Posting

My 100th posting is supposed to be an inspirational one. I’ve had a lot of time to think this week about the things that are important to me and what I’ve learned about life. So here goes…

1. Family and friends are the most important thing in life. They are they for you no matter what – no questions asked and they accept you for who you are – warts and all!



2. Turning 50 made me think about the footprint that I’ve left on the world and hopefully, I have improved my tiny corner of the universe a little. I can also now admit when I’m wrong – not make excuses – and move on. Hey, I’m human and we make mistakes.



3. Gardening. Watching a tiny seed emerge into a beautiful flower just feels me with wonder and faith. Also, having a small garden and an energetic dog shows me that only the strong survive – unless you have a “Plan B”.



4. Quilting has taught me humility, patience, that “Done is Better Than Perfect” and “If you buy it – use it!”



5. I’ve learned from my dog that it’s OK to take a nap in the middle of the day. He has shown me what unconditional love is and how to become a better friend.



6. A sense of humor can get you through anything.



7. Blogging has opened a whole new world and inspired me to tackle things that I wouldn’t attempt before and shown me that help is just a “mouse click” away.
   

Just Taking It Easy

We have had some picture perfect weather these past few days and I have been just taking it easy and sitting out in a chair soaking up some sun rays and enjoying a "Chick" novel. Sounds like a vacation, but I had surgery on Tuesday afternoon and thankfully, I have not had any pain - I'm just so tired. I don't know how to act. I do a little bit (a very little bit) and then I have to sit and rest. I haven't done any sewing nor stitching - just sitting and reading and the occasional Sudoku puzzle (gotta keep the mind sharp!) Today is going to be a "HOT" one, so maybe once the A/C cools off my sewing room, I'll attempt to work on something and the choices are endless.



Nurse Bailey has been taking care of me - he seems to know all the good spots for taking a nap and wherever he is - it's the coolest spot in the house. Doesn't he just look like he's asking how I'm feeling? Nah, he's wondering when I'm going to throw the tennis ball. But this picture of him is just too cute.






All of my stuff has been planted in the garden and I've certainly enjoyed looking at it while sitting in my chair. My seedlings have been transplanted to larger containers and I'm just waiting until they are large enough to plant in the ground. I don't want to confuse them with weeds and I don't want Bailey tromping through the garden and crushing them - so they are in a holding pattern.

My "Faerie Garden" is filling in nicely. I was out there the other night on the full moon and thought I saw something in the garden twinkle and move -- maybe a fairy????? Bailey dove into the garden and started barking his head off -- so I flew into the house. I think it may have been a opossum - Yuck!

Well, my next post will be my 100th posting - so I need to go think of something inspiration to say.

Happy Memorial Day

Just a quick note to wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day. Please take a moment to remember of all those men and women who have died in military service to provide us with a blanket of freedom so that we may enjoy our picnics, family gatherings, trips to the beach and sporting events.

The weather here feels like the middle of summer, 90-degree days, high humidity and warm nights with the occasional thunderstorm that blows up and passes quickly.

Well, it's back to planting for me and hopefully, later, I will do a little stitching. I may even take a trip to Joann's to see what's on sale.

I haven't done any sewing this month. I have to keep reassuring "Bernina" that she didn't do anything wrong - I'm just too busy outside. Thankfully, she is a good friend and understands.

I've been keeping busy by working in my garden and I have to share some pictures with you. My Knock-Out rose is just gorgeous. This is the third growing season for it and it must have over a thousand blooms on it. I guess all those April showers really did a great job of producing May flowers.

I have this one corner of the garden in the backyard that has a lot of tree roots and shade (the crappier side of the yard). So, I decided to make it into a "Fairy Garden", which turned our pretty cute. I put up a shepard's hook and hung a candle and in the evening it just looks magical. Of course, Bailey thinks I put the gnome there so that he has a place to cock his leg. Gotta love my Garden Guard Dog...

Up until today the weather has been delightful, warm during the days and cool in the evenings with a nice breeze . However, today it was HOT (90-degrees) and I had to break down and turn on the air conditioner (argh).

We celebrated my granddaughter's 11th birthday this week - how can she be 11 already? Now that she's a "tween", I picked up a copy of a teen magazine as part of her gift. Can you believe that Tiger Beat magazine is still around? That brought back a flood of memories for me. I used to love that magazine. And, she was thrilled with it, too.

I've been working on another embroidery project. A "Bare Roots" sewing tote, but I don't have enough done on it to share a picture yet. By the time I finish working in the garden and cleaning the dirt out from under my fingernails, it's so nice and relaxing to just sit and stitch.

I think I'll kick back and relax tonight with my new copy of Quilt Sampler magazine.